I got a new pair of contacts today. Actually I’m a guinea pig for science, I volunteer to trial new contact lenses for clinical studies. What this means is I get free swag. Contact lenses, solutions and ooo gift cards. I’m slightly tight right now.

The power of my contact lenses increased quite a bit. So as I was making my way home from uni, I could only think; is this how beautiful the world really is?

I was in the city for various reasons other than WYD last weekend and, the city was beautiful. Even though I’m not Christian the pilgrims doing their pilgrimage was sight to see. Jesus they even sounded holy with all the singing and chanting, and there were people walking non-stop all day!

Blocked roads, no cars. It was so awesome claiming the streets. Sure it wasn’t as busy, but the city seemed so much bigger than it did before.

I got to see the city I live in in a different light. Beautiful, peaceful, but alive. Alive in its tranquility.

For the record I’m not Catholic, not even Christian, anymore. I would say I was culturally Catholic. Which means something like I went to Catholic schools and was raised knowing the all the ins and outs of that particular branch of religious faith. My parents never really forced it on me though, so I had my own space to figure things out for myself.

I won the parent lotterly like that. Though I guess that isn’t to say that if I converted to Islam they’d be happy.

The important thing is, I had my space, I used it, and I know where I stand in terms of my beliefs and spirituality. I’d like to think I have flexible perspectives, and so discussing different beliefs and ideas with people is great, but never preach or evangelise me.

Needless to say then, that there was no way I was going to go to WYD.

But I went, for one day, and it had nothing to do with the Pope, except it kinda did. I’ve got a whole bunch of family over from Perth here for WYD which just finished, and I figured, well, I’ll go one day at least, spend one day sharing it with them and spending time with them doing their thing.

But damn that was one stressful day.

And I did see the Pope as he SPED past the people who were waiting hours for him. That irked me, I mean, what a shitty motorcade. Though I was mostly concerned with getting good pictures for the person who’s camera I was using. Because honestly? I couldn’t care if he was next door. He’s just another man to me, and not a special one, but that’s just to me personally.

But, my family enjoyed it, and the pilgrims enjoyed it, and though I don’t believe and I don’t agree with various things, there was happiness there and (spiritual) joy. And as much as I believe in clear divisions between the state and religion, there is no doubt that it is still a very deeply ingrained part of society, because its so deeply ingrained in people.

My only concern though, is would an Australian government support such an event affiliated with another world religion? We live in a multicultural and religiously pluralistic society now, after all.

I just finished marathoning Samurai Champloo and the ending got me thinking of something. I’m a sap, so I guess I would have liked it if after the credits rolled they all incidentally ended up together again but, after each realising something for themselves at the end of their journey, it was more honest that way. I guess the message that I’m left with is tied in with a lyric from the song that was played in the ending as the three of them went their own separate ways;

Keep on moving.

It’s been a while since I’ve had to say goodbye to someone, but I’ve had to recently. She’s gone back home for a while, and while I only ever saw her once in a while, it was my pleasure to meet her and have the opportunity to get to know her. But before we met each other, we each had lives of our own, and whether we will be able to meet again or not, we both have lives after each other. We always have our memories though, and the memory of how we felt.

Sometimes its like that, a fond farewell to a person you really were glad to have met. Sometimes there’s no farewell at all. Sometimes its a natural parting of ways, like two intertwining vines finding their own way. Sometimes it happens like that, by reason, by circumstance, by the paths we choose in life and the people we choose to become, the people we were walking next to aren’t there any more.

What do they say, that people come into out lives for reasons, seasons or lifetimes? Well its something like that. Either way, for however long your paths stay the same, appreciate them if they’re worth appreciating, and try to learn something important if they’re not.

In the end, our lives are our own. But who wants a lonely life? It isn’t always easier to, but isn’t it more fulfilling to live a life shared with those who care, and you care for, even if its only for a while will those certain people?

Its true that people come and go, but if you accept them for who they really are, then they never replace someone else. They’re another friend of your life, and another person who might just treasure their memories with you, long after.

For me at least, isn’t that what immortality’s really about? An eternity held in someone’s heart, that seems like quite a long time indeed.

I really am a total sap, I know. But I’m fine with that, and so are they.

The Great Happiness Space, a documentary by Jake Clennell about the host club subculture in Japan that I just watched. It really is a great documentary and one that I’l remember for a while yet. Fascinating and honest, it doesn’t give the broad facts about the industry, but rather becomes a character study of the top host, Issei, with the supporting characters being the other hosts in his club and the clients they service, specifically, Issei’s.

I really like the tone of the film. It’s non-judgemental while all the while illuminating the reality behind the words that are said. And as the majority of the clients’ main income is derived from prostitution or other work in the pleasure industries, it doesn’t sit on a pedestal and lambast their, or the host’s morals. Rather, those issues are explored with no preaching, just questions, with the answers being the differring truths from the people who are right there.

I’ve read the comment sections of articles that deal with hosts and hostesses and prostitutes in relation to The Great Happiness Space, but I won’t sit here in my current comfortable life situation and say that they’re pathetic or despicable for what they do to themselves and each other. But I won’t sit here and say that its all A OK either. I’ve never been in the kind of situation where any of those related careers would even come into play as a viable means of survival, and so I know that either by choice or by entrapment, everyone has their reasons.

But to me, watching this documentary, the overwhelming feeling I had was sadness. For both the clients and the hosts. I guess because the main thing I was thinking about was how all of them were looking outside themselves for a feeling they didn’t think they could have in any other way. And in the end, neither was fulfilled in any meaningful way. The clients were stuck in a cycle where they were infatuated and tied to a host by their need to be loved and pampered and in order to finance this, they turned to prostitution. While the hosts in the process of selling ‘dreams’ to these women were pampering them and catering to their every desire, had no one themselves. Never mind the the other overall physical and emotional returns.

And so with all these fake love relationships, did anyone there just have a real relationship with themself? What I focused on quite a bit I think, was how everyone was seeking love and happiness from someone else. Through money, and through the host clubs. Its a personal thing, because it touches on some of my own life philosophy I guess.

You know what, that whole idea of two hearts becoming one, two halves making a whole is really romantic. And I’m a sap everyone knows, but its not for me. Sure that romantic ideal’s attracted me, but since I can remember I’ve always wanted to become a whole person myself first. I don’t need someone else to complete me, nor do I want someone else to complete me. To be a whole, complete person, I’m pretty sure I’m getting there. So really, that’s why I found the documentary to be so sad.

And so love and happiness, of course I experience that in the presence of other people, but when I’m alone I’m very sure I have the kind of relationship with myself that means that when I’m alone, I’m not lonely. And there’s a very big line of difference in between those two concepts.

So I went to a Michael Buble concert a few days ago. It was the very last show he was having in Sydney, I think it might have been the 18th show. To be honest I was more excited about going to a concert for the concert since I’ve never been a huge fan.The last real concert I went to was the Michael Jackson concert back in Perth, and that was way back in the day when he was various kinds of awesome and wasn’t completely plasticised like a mummy (I’m pretty sure the uncanny valley effect applies to him nowadays). It was a shame though because I was too young to appreciate how awesome an event that was, I saw the show twice out of three times so I guess I made up for it! I can still remember parts of that concert, like the opening and when he sang Beat It. So it must have been pretty awesome, and well, he was pretty awesome.

But anyway, since I didn’t really have much of an attachment to Michael Buble himself, after I was totally blown away by the vocal stylings and ‘vocal play’ of Naturally 7 (the supporting act) who are AWESOME (I still remember one of the guys singing the opening line of Amazing Grace), I was kind of forgetting that I was there to see him.

And to be perfectly honest, I thought he was just drunk at first.

I just, didn’t know he danced like that. In retrospect though, he was probably so full of energy and excitement, which was why he was going a bit crazy with the mike, as in, not really singing in it. I also just heard some story about him performing supposedly drunk at a concert and people wanting their money back, so I really wasn’t that impressed.

But man the show only got better and better after that. He is one grade A entertainer. I knew he was funny from seeing him on Rove before, but this guy’s hilarious! I remember laughing so much more than I thought I would at a concert. He made a really good reverse racism joke, and really interacted with the audience, he’s also really not afraid of taking the piss out of himself, which is very endearing and where a lot of his humour comes from.

Does he ever sound so much better live. I don’t remember all of the songs, but I remember enjoying it. Having said that I LOVE Home and Song For You. I like those songs a lot better than the others. I think its the fact that I like his vocals a lot better since his voice is used differently. Well that’s how it sounds to me anyway.

He was saying that Home and that lonely song, which I need to look up, were written in Australia and that he loved Australia…so why are the songs so sad? I guess you could say he was pandering to the audience, but I really believed him. Home has to be my favourite of his songs, and as he was singing it images of Australian related things were popping up on the screen in the background, maybe its kind of corny, but it really made me smile. He’s really good at the whole building rapport thing.

He made the point that even though it was a big venue, it could still be intimate and good and it was. I felt the passion and the excitement in his voice and in his physical expression. The way he ended the show was absolutely classic, and very classy. Singing without a mike, his naked voice filled the centre with A Song For You.

Since I haven’t been to an event like that for such a long time, its been a while since I’ve seen so many people in one place, and so, it was a while since I’ve seen so many people in one place enjoying themselves. It was really a sight to see. There were so many people there, so many people clapping, standing, dancing, singing, so many people from different threads of life there, and enjoying themselves.I wonder if the people on stage really realise that?

But anyway, I would definitely pay money to see his show again. It might not have seemed like it at first, but I’m very impressed. And very glad I went. A great night out with some friends, and a great entertainer.

I miss sleep, I really, really do.  Lately I haven’t been able to get to sleep easily unless I’m pretty much exhausted. I don’t know why, but I’m kind of hoping its a temporary issue, because damnit I’m on my holidays and I expect to be able to sleep whole 12 hours if I really want to.

I chalked this whole thing up to my exam, completely hectic assignment schedule, and the general stress of playing the numbers game at uni. Which goes like this: I have 30% of my assessable work marked, I have 15 marks, I could get 20 marks for the assessment I just handed in but since its late lets say its 15, and a pass for the exam, so if I can do that then that’s a pass. Booyah!

Always play this game with the lowest numbers you expect, and if you’re playing this game at all then its a pretty big sign of a lot of things about you and the course.

Its not even 6am. Wow. I really do want to be able to sleep properly again, but at the same time, this might be a chance to finally get those early starts.

Holy shit I might be able to see the sunrise!

So I finally saw the infamous dancing fan lady at Mounties, I hear she’s a regular there. And you know what, good for her.

It pissed me off how my family and extended family could stand there and be so mean spirited about her, asking all these inane and stupid questions like ‘is she gay?’ ‘do you think she’s really a man?’. I get that by virtue of her being such a character with her style of dress, dance, and well her use of a fan, that she’s a novelty. People are going to stop and stare and talk and point and laugh, and maybe just like me, they’ll smile.

I’m sure she’s aware of all of that too, which means I appreciate her being there that much more. It takes courage to be yourself, and when your self is so different from the norm, it takes that extra step to express it.

I could have it completely wrong. She could have significant mental health issues which is why she’s up there dancing like there’s no tomorrow. Or she could have so many other issues that she goes to there and finds an outlet for her stress and an escape from everything else by losing herself in the music and in her dance. Or I could have completely made up everything I saw in her. Life’s crazy with perspective like that.

Whatever the case may be, more power to her. It’s taken me this long to have the level of comfort and security that I have with myself and who I am right now, which is a big reason why I’m looking forward to my late 20’s and 30’s. And so I don’t know what her life was and is like, maybe its happy, maybe its tragic, maybe its just downright crazy, but there’s no way I could have gotten up on stage on like that. So good for you.

I totally deserve these holidays.

That is all.

I just cannot do it anymore. For the first time that I can remember I’m giving up on finishing a book, and that book of all things is The Chronicles of Narnia. I’m actually up to Chapter Four: Shasta Falls in with the Narnians in the The Horse and His Boy, so I’ve technically read two the books in the series, which makes me feel slightly better.

Now I’m no fantasy buff, but its been my preferred genre to read since I was in primary school and this book (or rather collection of books) is just really not cutting it for me in the literary sense. I’ve found the language to be very descriptive, but while a lot of things get described, not very much seems to be said. What I mean is that when I’m reading a book, often I’ll read something that speaks of a truth of life, or something that may just be one line that will ignite a whole train of thought in my head. With fantasy especially, sometimes its the mythos of the world that I’m currently inhabiting that will make me think of all the boundaries, limitations and applications of the various systems of magic that rule that world. From what I have read so far, the stand out scene for me would have to be the creation of Narnia in the very first book. I will say that my imagination was thoroughly engaged in that.

I don’t get it. I don’t get the praise and the hype and the longevity of these books. It may be because I’m reading it now when I’m 20, so maybe I’ve gone too far and missed that boat full of magic and wonder. But the Velveteen Rabbit is still a story that touches my heart. I read that when I was a little boy (maybe its because I read it then) and still remember it.

Most importantly, even in reminiscing about that story I remember how I feel, and the greatest misgiving of this book for me now, i realise, is that I don’t feel anything when I read it.

It took me maybe 3 months or so to finish reading Giovanni’s Room because I was overwhelmed with so much feeling reading it, sometimes even holding it, that I could only read a few pages at a time.

I could only read a few pages off Narnia at a time because I just couldn’t keep turning the page.

I may come back and finish it one day, I might even get extra motivated to do so after I watch Prince Caspian. But for now I’ll have to take my bookmark out, and put it back on the shelf.